Our State of the Union

My husband is a monthly business traveler. How else would I have so much time to blog? It's a strain on our marriage and family life to be sure-- the frequent business travel, not the blogging.

Lately, Bob's position has turned him into a more frequent frequent-flyer. And, frankly, we hate it. There's no getting around it. We suffer through these absences, taking turns being strong for the other, but on some days there's just no getting around how weak we truly feel in the absence of the other. You can't live your marriage vocation in separate worlds, and these weeks of separation are a trial. They seem unnatural--living apart while being vowed to each other in love. (It may sound like I'm having a little pity party right now, but hear me out.)

I recently joked with my girlfriends that I feel like I'm living in a cloister: no male companion, save Jesus. (And I certainly mean no disrespect toward cloistered religious.) It was just my way of saying that my solitary moments are feeling like singleness, and yet I know I'm called to faithfulness in that solitary walk when Bob is away. And when it feels like that, I need a stronger dose of prayer and grace in my life.

Lately, I’ve noticed my usual longing for Bob has morphed into a profound loneliness. Longing is based on a secure knowledge that we are "together" even when we are apart. Longing awaits a reunion. Longing implies faith, hope and love. Loneliness, on the other hand, springs from the well of insecurity. It questions faith, forgets to hope, and turns inward, away from love. I’ve somehow allowed this loneliness to creep into an otherwise faithful heart. And so, as I go to bed tonight, I get to the root of this. I confess this lack on my part, and give over all my cares to the Lord. There’s just no other place to bring this.

And Jesus, ever faithful, supplies his word to me in my moment of need.

Psalm 38: 9:
Lord, all my longing is known to thee,
my sighing is not hidden from thee.

Psalm 16: 7-9:
I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I keep the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices;
my body also dwells secure.

One thing I’m learning from all this: often our longing for each other is really a symptom of a deeper longing for the Other – the Lord who alone can fill us and sustain us-- until we reach that ultimate reunion with him in Heaven. But until that blessed day takes place, our reality falls short of our ideal. And yet, we cling to Him that he may call us to greater perfection, even through what we suffer, and by what we learn from longing to love with all our being.

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I know millions of couples suffer the pain of geographical separation. It is one of the demands of life that we often have little no control over. I’m thinking, quite sympathetically, of those marriages separated by military service, by illness, by political oppression, by God-knows-what. Those situations seem so much more extraordinary than my own lament of a husband away on business. Nevertheless, I offer this prayer tonight on behalf of my husband and myself, and for all those married couples who are apart this night, and bid you a night of peaceful sleep.

Lord Jesus,
grant that I and my spouse
may have a true and understanding love for each other.
Grant that we may both be filled with faith and trust.
Give us the grace to live with each other in peace and harmony.
May we always bear with one another's weaknesses
and grow from each other's strengths.
Help us to forgive one another's failings
and grant us patience, kindness, cheerfulness and
the spirit of placing the well-being of one another ahead of self.
May the love that brought us together grow
and mature with each passing year.
Bring us both ever closer to You
through our love for each other.
Let our love grow to perfection.
Amen.

This prayer comes from Catholic Doors Ministry.

Copyright 2006 Patricia W. Gohn