Write In Between

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Writer's Wednesday - Vinita Hampton Wright

Forgiveness is the solution to situations that have no solution. When nothing else can be done, forgiveness can still be done. When everything has failed, gotten too complicated, and left a bad taste in your mouth, forgiveness is the one final step you can take.

Forgiveness is an act of letting go. It's required for long-term relationships... and for heavy-duty healing...

Forgiveness is for hurt that is deep and bitter and inescapable. It's what you do when the confusion over who said or did what just keeps getting more confusing. When you can't forget about it, make up as if nothing happened, or apply all those principles of conflict resolution, all that's left is to let go and say, "I forgive you. I don't understand why you've done this to me, I don't excuse it, and I'll never really forget it. But I forgive you, and it's time to move beyond this."

Jesus Christ was very big on forgiveness, and this was one reason he stuck in the craw of a lot of rigid, play-by-the-rules people. Forgiveness is what you apply when the rules are broken beyond repair...

Often, when I say the Lord's Prayer and come to the part about forgiving those who sin against me, I insert the names of a few people... in that way stating my intention to really forgive these people. It's a small step, but I know it will take many such steps to complete this particular journey.

---Vinita Hampton Wright, Simple Acts of Moving Forward.

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  • I wish I can say I agree or I can forgive. I haven't spoken to my biological father in almost 5 years. My parent's divorced when I was 2 and I moved to TX with my mom and my then "future" step-dad when I was four. They married just after I turned 4 and are still married 23.5 years later. I consider my step-dad my father because he has treated me like his own daughter since I met him and has always been there for me. I visited my biological dad every summer and we only spoke on the phone the rest of the year on holidays. He never called randomly to check on me and ask how my day was or what grade I got in Math. He always put guilt trips on me. About 4 or 5 months before my wedding, he said something to me that really set me over the edge and at that point, I did not care if I ever saw or spoke to him again. I did not speak to him until I got married. I married on June 12, 2004 and I have not spoke to him since the day after and that was only because I had to if I did not want to be completely rude and disrepect the host of the party. I don't think I could ever forgive him for all the years he wasn't there or for the millions of guilt trips. I realize he was half way across the country, but you can be there for someone without really being there and he was never that. It was always out of obligation, never out of wanting to. I am not a believer in God like most, and I just don't understand how someone can forgive a person, their father, for doing that do them. Luckily he had a vasectomy after my mom had me, because he is not made to be a dad. I am so grateful to have my step-dad to call my father.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:33 PM  

  • Dear Anonymous,

    It sounds like you still have alot of pain related to your biological father.

    There are many people who, for a variety of reasons, have much to grieve regarding the hurts in their lives.

    This post is about taking small steps to forgive. Small steps. Sometimes a tiny step is all we can take, but it is a step forward nonetheless.

    You might also note that Vinita's suggestion is linked to the "Our Father" prayer. Only with God's grace can we forgive someone who has wronged us, even if they don't "deserve it."

    You say that you are not a believer, but if you are open to the idea of praying to your Creator, who is the One Who Sees All of Your Hurt and All of Your Love, you might wish to consider a prayer that Jesus gave to the world over 2000 years ago... it is the prayer to the Heavenly Father. And maybe it may help where your earthly father is concerned. Also, at the same time you can be thankful for your step father who raised you. This is the Lord's Prayer, the prayer Vinita recommends. In case you need the words, I'm typing them below:

    "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen."

    Thanks for writing.



    By Blogger Pat Gohn, at 6:56 PM  

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